Kenmei: The Search for Somewhere to be Yourself

The search for representation, for community, and for spaces to be fully ourselves, is a common experience when you fall on the ace and aro spectrums. We live in an allonormative world where romantic relationships are prized above others and seen as a goal everyone should strive for. It is therefore no wonder that so many of us seek out spaces and the sense of belonging without those expectations.

Kenmei, a PhD candidate studying international politics, has found their search difficult and lengthy. They “came to the UK in 2021 and tried pretty hard to find [their] community.”

“I learned that there were so many different kinds of a-spec people, which itself was a good thing, but I couldn’t find or develop something tangible and sustainable to be a community”

Their search may have been long, but our little book club community has provided some of the “comfort” they were looking for, even if they were “surprised to see so many a-spec people in the corner of Leon” back in September 2022.

“[Book club] is a space where I can be fully myself and relax. I don’t really have to edit myself to fit in with the people around me, which I frequently do if I am in different spaces. I also feel lucky that now I know so many members to whom I can just say hi. I believe I have become one of the fixtures of book club, so I don’t have to be nervous or anxious to be there”

So book club has provided Kenmei with community and that space to be themselves, but what about representation?

It is wonderful that we have been able to sustain an ace book club for over two years. It shouldn’t be the case, but until recently, there simply was not enough books with ace or aro rep to read one a month for this stretch of time. This was evident by the asexual shelf in Gay’s The Word bookshop from just a few years ago and this section at the shop has grown alongside our book club over the last two years.

As wonderful as all of this is, the market is currently dominated, as Kenmei points out, by YA and aces in romances – valid a-spec experiences, but not the only ones. There are still many of us searching for the representation that reflects our experiences.

Kenmei sees reading as an extremely personal experience - “Seeing your thoughts being materialised is such a magical moment” – but they “don’t think [they’ve] found [their] ace representation in books just yet”. Kenmei said they do not yearn for representation in books so much anymore, but did mention that, now they have friends who are ace, they feel they have found representation in our community.

Kenmei explained they read for joy, hope, clarity, and differing perspectives. They haven’t found their representation in books, but book club, in their words, “is a space to imagine different possibilities, and there is no place like [it].”